December 08, 2003

You Asked, Don Answers

Don of Anger Management has answered your questions!

Inappropriate Lindbergh baby jokes! His thoughts on stuffed bear sex! Lots more!

Click it. You know you want to.

Why did you announce you were quitting your blog only to start blogging again 15 minutes (or so) later? First you're blogging, then you're not, then you are. Can't you make up your mind?

No, no I can’t. And anyone who has read my blog for any significant period of time should know that. I am as flighty as Charles Lindbergh, although less so than his baby.

Have you always had the fantasy of being Jeff Probst?

Is he the Survivor guy? In any case, no. I never fantasize about men because that would make me a homosexual and I’m not comfortable with my homosexuality. Wait. Is that what I meant to say?

You've been late for Blogosphere Survivor so many times the contestants thought the game had been suspended. You were probably born late. Do you plan to be late for your own funeral? If so, how are you going to arrange that?

In real life, I am never late. I am the most punctual person I know. No, seriously. But in the blog world, I am like a woman, only without the estrogen. Speaking of which, why is it women who are always late when they are the ones so frightened of being late?

Who is John Galt?

Don’t ask me. I just blog here.

What is sex with a stuffed bear like?

That’s kind of redundant, isn’t it? Any bear having sex is thereby stuffed.

Besides Frank J, who are your favorite bloggers?

This is an unfair question, because I know I’m going to leave people out and make them cry. So I’m only going to name three with the understanding that I have many more favorites.

First, of course, is Helen from Everyday Stranger. She is one of the best writers on the Internet and has accomplished in her own life the one goal I’ve set for myself in mine: to live a life worth writing about. Also she says “vagina.”

Second, there’s Radley Balko from The Agitator. Radley’s was the first blog I started reading regularly and his remains the best libertarian blog on the Internet. Plus he bought me a beer once.

Finally, Rachel Lucas. Even though she’s not around, she will always have a special place in my heart – not only a great writer but funny as hell and quite the looker I might add. It was her endorsement that really helped my blog to take off, and for that, I am forever thankful.

You can invite 5 bloggers to a kegger. Who do you invite?

This one is easy. First, of course, The Bartender, because someone has to serve the drinks. Next, my pal Pylorns, just because I think he’d be fun to drink with. Third, Julian Sanchez from Julian’s Lounge, with whom I’ve already drunk and had lots of fun. Besides, I need someone around who smokes as much as I do. Fourth, Harvey from Bad Money just because, who wouldn’t want him around? And finally, of course, Helen because no kegger is complete without wild monkey sex. By the way, I would have invited Jim from Snooze Button Dreams, but I don’t want the competition.

If the only way Frank J could continue blogging was to become a MuNu but the only way he could become a MuNu one would be if a current MuNu was evicted, would you vote for Frank or a random MuNu?

With all honesty, I would sacrifice any blogger to Frank J. He absolutely amazes me.

What made you decide to start blogging?

I was forced to take an introductory writing class for my business degree about a year ago. The first day of class, the professor asked us to answer questions about our favorite authors, our interest in writing, etc. After reading my answers, he asked me if I blogged, and for some reason I lied and said I did. Not wanting to be a liar, I went home that night and started a blog. I’ve been addicted ever since.

I find your writing more interesting to read when you are trying to convey something serious rather than trying to be funny. What style do you prefer, and what are the reasons that you switch so dramatically from post to post?

That’s actually a good observation, but there is a third mode in which I write, in which I make a serious point, but interject humor where appropriate. That’s my favorite style, but it’s difficult to pull off on a consistent basis. As to why I switch between styles, there are actually a couple reasons for this. The first is that, I don’t have enough real insight into life to sustain a blog full of daily insights. But more than that, the primary purpose of my blog is to give me a forum from which to say the things I want to say. Sometimes I want to be funny, sometimes I want to be serious, but I always want to be entertaining. And that is my only promise: no matter what I write, I will always strive to make it interesting. By the way, thank you for that question – it’s good to know people enjoy the serious stuff I write.

Is it bad manners to have phone sex and go to sleep right after the big payoff?

You don’t know how often I get asked that question. The truth of the matter is, it’s best to go to sleep right after the big payoff, whether the payoff proceeds from phone sex or real sex. The reason for this is, after a payoff, a man becomes more honest than at any other time in his life. If he does not go to sleep, it is quite likely he will say something he’ll regret, like, “That was nice honey, but your sister was better,” or, “Let’s get married.”

What is the real deal with you and Helen? Will you be the first inter-Munuvian marriage?

Time will tell, but I can say that we aren’t flirting for the sake of flirting. Helen and I truly admire one another, if I may be so presumptuous as to speak for her. Let’s put it this way – if the opportunity arose, I would very much like to meet her in person, and then take her out to dinner in person, and then rip off her clothes and have passionate sex with her in person. [Insert “Third Person” grammatical pun].

You need to pick one Munuvian who is not named Helen to accompany you to Mardi Gras. Who is it and why?

No question – Jim from Snooze Button Dreams. Here’s a tip: always attend Mardi Gras with a guy who is willing to have himself photographed sucking on a cow’s udder.

Do you have a favorite breed of dog?

Pitt bull.

How about a favorite breed of cow?


And what is your favorite flower?

I don’t know. What kind of flowers did Georgia O’Keefe paint that were supposed to look like female genitalia?

Do you prefer Mexican or Italian?


Which South Park character best epitomizes your personality?

Stan, I think. He’s the one who’s in love with Wendy, right? Yeah, I’m a Stan kind of guy because, even though he can trade insults with the best of them, he has real emotional depth. Plus he’s not Jewish.

You are a trained assassin who can get away with murdering anybody. Who do you take out first?

That’s an awful question! Now if I meet a trained assassin, I won’t be able to kill the person I want to kill because the police will know right away who did it. Don’t you people ever think things through?

Monopoly. Do you cheat?

No, but if I fall significantly behind, I have been known to bring antitrust lawsuits.

Posted by Jennifer at December 8, 2003 12:01 AM


This explains a lot.

Posted by: LeeAnn at December 7, 2003 09:39 PM

Oh, so close! All your answers have consistently pegged you as the man of my dreams (and yes, you may speak for me, as I admire the hell out of you).

Then you said you don't cheat at Monopoly, and I have been known to erect dodgy hotels as needed. We must find a way to bridge this gap, darling. We can't let Milton Bradley come between us like this.

Loved your answers. Especially the "why you blog" one.

Posted by: Helen at December 8, 2003 04:46 AM

Ah, finnally buy me that drink eh?

Posted by: pylorns at December 8, 2003 07:21 AM

Orchids are the sexy flowers that she painted. I've never really looked at an O'Keefe painting but I know my vaginesque flowers.

Posted by: Jim at December 8, 2003 09:04 AM