December 19, 2003

You Asked, Donnie Answers

Donnie has answered most of your questions!

Find out what Marines are good for, why he ate crayons, and much more!

Click it already!

Why did you start blogging?

A: I've been reading blogs since 7/01, but didn't find ACIDMAN'S place until last summer. Once I read Rob, I thought to myself "Whoa, if THIS guy doesn't scare off the
entire blogosphere, I might not either". Thus it began.

Why did you almost quit blogging?

A: I blame Sitemeter! ;-) It seemed to me that 60 hits a day or so after 4 months were hardly worth the effort...but Sitemeter only reports UNIQUE hits. Having moved to Typepad, I see that the ACTUAL hits are more like 600+ a day, and even if that's 6 people checking the site 100 times a day, that makes it
worth it. I'd like to write a collection of short stories some day (no patience for a novel), and this improves my writing skills (especially when MICHAEL WILLIAMS and JOHN DONOVAN castigate my grammar).

Which bloggers influence you and why?

A: ACIDMAN. That old goat keeps it REAL.
ZOMBIEBOY. Good writing, no inflammatory nonsense.
RICKY at North Georgia Dogma. Ditto.
BLACKFIVE. Similar backgrounds,
military perspective without chest beating.
JACK at Random Fate. Great
writing, smart guy, not much invective or vitriol.
STEPHEN GREEN. Says a lot without necessarily WRITING a lot.

Explain why/how you bond with other bloggers?

A: Pretty much the same way I bond with people in the "real world". If their
blogs reflect their personality (some don't), and their personality is attractive to me for whatever reason, I'll tend to initiate an email conversation, or comment often on their site.

Who is Bejus?

A: Ah, Bejus...Bejus is a construct of my imagination that occurred after two Tylenol PMs and a bottle of Gabbiano Chianti. He rapidly progressed from "Imaginary friend", to obsession, then possession. He torments me, yet he amuses me mightily. You never know when I'm channeling Bejus, or he's channeling me.

What the @#%& is a Bejus?!

A: See above.

How many Dorals a day does Bejus smoke, and how has Airborne School impacted his consumption of tobacco?

A: Bejus smokes Dorals incessantly...he lights one from the smoldering butt of
another, and giggles to himself about "Monkey f*cks". I don't think my attendance here at Jump school has affected his Doral consumption...he's probably working on major improvements to his fort in my garage while I'm here.

What would you rather do?: Talk to a dirty, stinking, Leg or masturbate with broken glass?

A: I'll answer that next Wednesday, should I no longer bear the "dirty, stinking leg" stigma myself ;-)

Why did it take you so long to go to Airborne School?

A: I thought I was out of the Army forever. I didn't go while I was on active
duty because I am *DEATHLY* afraid of heights, and I couldn't for the life of
me imagine jumping out of a perfectly good C-130. Having signed up with the
National Guard, however, I was offered a slot that had only just become
available, and given the reasons I signed back up, I thought it probably
behooved me to obtain Airborne qualification for a couple of reasons. First,
while I was toiling away in the civilian world, the Army changed it's policy
re. "Leg Rangers" -- volunteers for Ranger school must first be Airborne
qualified. Thus, there probably aren't many (if any) "Leg Rangers" on active
duty these days, and I certainly didn't want to be the butt of any jokes in
the Tactical Operations Center (TOC). Second, since I'm probably going to be
mobilized shortly, I figure the Airborne qualification, combined with my
Ranger, Air Assault, and Expert Infantry Badge qualifications might land me in
a unit where I can do some good. I'm an Infantryman...I can shoot, but I'd
suck at counting mess kits.

Why did you decide to go to Airborne School at your advanced age?

A: See above. And, "advanced age"? Grrrr....

Johnny Carson once told the studio audience that "In this Politically
Correct world we live in, there is only one thing left that an American
teenager can do to prove he is a MAN. Join the Marines". How do you feel
about this statement, and why?

A: I still hate Johnny Carson for handing his show to Leno rather than
Letterman -- or even Conan O'Brian. That statement makes me hate him even
more. Granted that "Every Marine is a rifleman", I still don't see where the
Marine Corps gets off thinking that they have an exclusive claim on physical
fitness or fieldcraft. I'd put an Army 11-Bravo (Infantryman) up against a
Marine any day. Besides, the Marine Corps only exists to provide something
soft for the Army to walk on when we hit the beach.

Describe the last fist fight that you were in.

A: I'll take the Fifth on that one. It's been 4 years or so, and my bride is
displeased with me over it to this day.

Is being a Hillbilly better or worse than being a Redneck?

A: Hillbilly's are MUCH better than Rednecks. Rednecks work on farms (mainly
owned by someone else), while Hillbillys, for the most part, don't work. They
roam the mountains of North Georgia, constantly searching for Burt Reynolds,
Ned Beatty, and Jon Voight. They want revenge. They drink heinous moonshine, play "if it flies, it dies" with .16 gauge shotguns, do experiments
involving "poison toads" and arrowheads, and torture recreational canoers and
kayakers on the Chattahoochee river. I don't know much about Hillbillys
though. Bejus might.

How did you meet your wife?

A: I met my wife in high school Algebra class in the 11th grade. There IS such a thing as love at first sight. I made a total and complete ass of myself for several months, showing off, and torturing her, before I finally secured my first date with her by buying her a hamburger from the school cafeteria. God, that was a long time ago.

Are there more pictures of her on the internet? Or any of you?

A: Not on the Internet. How much money do you have? ;-)

If you could be any kind of animal, what would it be and which human would you attack first?

A: A Bear. I watched a bear do things to a "water buffalo" that froze my blood during the Mountain phase of Ranger school, and then he chased 3 RI's into a tree. Bears scare me to death. The first human I'd attack would have to be Osama bin Laden, if he's still available to be chased, and not consorting with his virgins in paradise.

It snowed 6 inches and you are outside. Do you make obscene snowpeople, standard snowpeople, snowforts and snowballs, snowangels, or shovel the f@cking driveway?

A: My bride would command me to shovel the driveway first. Then, I'd make
obscene snow-porn stars and throw snowballs at my hated neighbors.

Did you eat the glue in kindergarten?

A: No, but I ate the hell out of the crayons. I figured they'd make cool colorful turds and scare the Bejus out of my Mom. They did.

Describe your ideal pet. I know that as far as questions go that isn't
actually a question. Humor me.

A: A Russian blue cat. Cats rule. They don't require rubbing or petting, they think they own YOU, rather than vice-versa, and if they were bigger, they'd eat you. I like mean little animals that harbor a deep resentment towards me.

You and the lovely wife are on a deserted island alone together. Who goes crazy first?

A: My bride has no bad habits. I, on the other hand, would soon run out of SKOAL, beer, and bullets, and become stark raving mad.

Posted by Jennifer at December 19, 2003 12:03 AM


Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at December 18, 2003 11:07 PM

Great interview! Hopefully, the Hillbilly will never masturbare with broken glass because he'll be a paratrooper...but what does that make Bejus?

Blackfive's a little biased here.

Posted by: Blackfive at December 18, 2003 11:39 PM

LOL Pixy!!!

Posted by: Susie at December 19, 2003 12:32 AM

LOL - I knew there was a good reason I read his blog ;-) Yes I'm one of the six... He should have way higher traffic than that!

Posted by: Teresa at December 19, 2003 02:57 PM

Donnie is right about Hillbillys versus Rednecks; I'd rather be a Hillbilly any day of the week.

And if you don't already know what a "Bejus" is, you'll never understand. You have to grow up Southern.

Posted by: Jack at December 19, 2003 08:42 PM