June 23, 2004
Cutting Bait
We all (presumably) have different kinds of friends. There are the bar friends that you go out and party with. There's the needy friend who only shows up when his/her life is in shambles. There's the friend who you trust to talk about anything with. There are the married with children friends who you remember fondly on occasion. There is the newly divorced friend who is trying to be a bar friend but who really just wants a designated driver if she doesn't pick up a guy. There is the online friend who you haven't actually met but talk to more than most of your other friends.
And then there is the friend who is always busy. You try to be understanding, but after awhile you wonder if it's not just an excuse. There are only so many times something can come up at the last minute before you think they're just avoiding you.
So you try to back off. You stop calling them. You try to break the habit of e-mailing them throughout the day. They still call once in a great while or e-mail you occasionally, but the old comraderie is gone.
They're perfectly happy with the new dynamic, but you're not. You feel rejected.
So the decision has to be made: is the new, limited friendship worth it?
For me, it seldom is.
Posted by Jennifer at June 23, 2004 08:52 AMOuch. I've had those, and they just ache.
Posted by: Harvey at June 23, 2004 09:15 AMMy Lovely Wife is going through that right now with one of her friends. She's incredibly upset about it, wondering what she did wrong and why things had to change. I swear it's just like a mini break-up.
Posted by: Jim at June 23, 2004 09:36 AMWow, I know exactly what you mean! And have been on the less active friend side of it too.
One of my best friends likes to talk at length on the phone. When he wants to and has things to say.
I, on the other hand, e-mail people primarily, and because he is weird about e-mail, he falls into the "people I barely stay in touch with because they aren't online or act as if they aren't" category.
It also doesn't help that we live nowhere near each other.
Posted by: Jay Solo at June 23, 2004 09:48 AMyeah it happens.. im guilty of no-contact myself sometimes..
Posted by: pylorns at June 23, 2004 02:35 PM
Jew