November 02, 2004


I love Wisconsin. After all, I was born there. I have gazillions of relatives living there. I try to visit at least once a year.

From what I understand (you can't prove I'm watching the cable news channels), Wisconsin is getting a lot of airtime in the news right now.

So in the extended, something my daddy (also a native Wisconsinite) forwarded to me today that Wisconsin types may appreciate. (That's you, Harvey.)

Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin

If you consider it a sport to gather your food
by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all
day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in

If you have ever refused to buy something
because it's "too spendy",you might live in Wisconsin.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through
March, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of
the year, you might live in Wisconsin.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and
they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle
of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you may not have actually eaten it, but you
have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same
time, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have either a pet or a child named
"Brett", you might live in Wisconsin.

If your town has an equal number of bars and
churches, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in

If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha,
Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Wisconsin.

If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing
bear,and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue
waters, might live in Wisconsin.


1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.

3. You measure distance in hours.

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and
back again.

6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.

7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.

8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events. (including

9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend
knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's
Fleet Farm at any given time.

13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.

15. You refer to the Packers as "we."

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction.

17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.

19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.

20. You know how to polka.

21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.

22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

23. Down South to you means Iowa.

24. A brat is something you eat.

25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

26. You go out to fish fry every Friday

27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

29. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to
all your Wisconsin friends.

Posted by Jennifer at November 2, 2004 10:50 PM


I live in the inner city of Milwaukee, having been a FIB until seven years ago. I still get all of them, and can claim a few. Today, driving home from work, I chased a herd of deer for a couple of blocks.

No mention of a bubbler?!

Posted by: triticale at November 2, 2004 11:57 PM

Why would Dairy Queen be closed from November through March?

Posted by: Victor at November 3, 2004 09:19 AM

Why would Dairy Queen be closed from November through March?

Because there is no need to pay for a Blizzard.

Posted by: triticale at November 3, 2004 09:37 AM

Victor - because it's just too damn cold to go out for ice cream! :-)

Triticale - There's a sign in our local library that says "bubbler" with an arrow pointing to the ...[looks up word in Wisconsin-American dictionary]... "drinking fountain".

And don't forget, if you're from Wisconsin you call it simply "the Dells".

Also, you know what FIB stands for :-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 3, 2004 10:19 AM

Oh. Duh.

I like Triticale's answer better, though.

Posted by: Victor at November 3, 2004 10:55 AM

How about THIS one:

Dairy Queen closes because in winter you can get ice cream directly from the cows.

Posted by: Harvey at November 4, 2004 10:45 AM

This brings back memories! We moved from Illinois to Wisconsin and had to learn to ask for "skips" instead of "cuts" in the line at the bubbler, and that our groceries went in sacks instead of bags. There was also a soda/pop disparity, but after all these years in Indiana, I can't remember who called what where anymore.... I DO remember that we never had a single snow day off from school while we lived in WI--and it wasn't because it didn't snow...

Posted by: Susie at November 8, 2004 10:56 AM