March 23, 2005

*Harvey Interview

It's the interview with everybody's favorite Bad Example...Harvey!

As everyone knows, John Collins and Bill Cimino had the funniest two-blogger insult-act since Abbott and Costello were thrown out of The Brown Derby for starting a Cobb Salad fight. Since your partner in insults, Madfish Willie, seems to have disappeared with all the top-secret recipes for the best virtual cocktails, is there any chance that you and John might take each other "in dislike"?

Only if John makes the mistake of insulting Susie's honor, in which case I'll have to ask him to step outside [glares menacingly]

Pick any number from 1 to 50. Pick a letter of the alphabet. 36 C, right? (I'm psychic).

You would've been right a couple years ago, but Beloved Wife's lost some weight since then so you got the letter wrong. Off-topic: I wasn't aware that there were actually numbers below 68.

What do all those older brothers of yours do for a living? Are any of them firemen?

Factory, private security, retail (retired Navy), factory, and private security. The older private security brother is 57, single, and lives in Green Bay. Are private security uniforms sexy? Do you need a phone number?

You wear a beard; is there any truth to the story that it's to cover the scars from your days as goalie for the dart league? Or is the "fire and ice pick story" the truth?

Sadly, neither. The truth is that I have delicate cheekbones and pretty lips, and grew the beard so that drunken bikers would stop hitting on me. Doesn't help much in Tennessee, though.

Who's your favorite blogson?

When he was in his prime, it was The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon. He had probably the best blog-theme I've ever seen, and having him around really encouraged my naughty side. Not to mention that the Saloon was the setting for some of my funniest posts, AND it's where the concept of the comment party really developed. In his absence, the rest of the boys are about equal in my eyes. All give me love and grief in approximately equal measures.

How many more of these interviews are you planning on doing?

I'd like to do about one a year, just because so much can change in that amount of time.

Which society/entertainment woman has the best boobs? and why?

Can't think of one. Problem is, all the celeboobs are attached to skinny, malnourished, boy-shaped bodies. Mega-turn-off. Last actress I saw that did anything for me was Claudia Christian

What one or two things was the reason you asked your wife to marry you?

The night before I proposed, I asked myself "was there anything I could learn about TNT that would make me NOT want to marry her?". Since I'd known her for 13 years at that point and was well aware of all her flaws & virtues, I decided the answer was "no". I knew who she was, and I knew I could trust her to be honest with me. That was enough.

And I was right.

What did you do before blogging online?

When I wasn't playing violent video games like Quake 2 or Soldier of Fortune, I spent a lot of time selling paper money on eBay. Yes, people DO collect currency, and WILL pay above face value for a note. I mostly sold old bills in nice shape and bills with cool serial numbers.

How do you find the time to post on your own blog, when you are guest blogging on at least two others?

A combination of a love of writing, a desire to help out my fellow blogger, a VERY understanding wife (VERY VERY understanding), and a refusal to medicate my obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Oh, and it's THREE others - Drunken Wisdom, IMAO, and Alliance HQ. I'm just grateful to Ogre for taking over my King of the Blogs gig (and doing a FANTASTIC job at it, too).

What happened to the currancy graphitti? Why haven't we seen any in a long time?

I've already posted most of "easy" bills in my collection, and it started taking longer and longer to come up with decent captions for what was left. As mentioned above, I just don't have the time to devote to it any more. However, I *do* have a few bills that I want to get posted eventually, so expect that feature to pop up now & again in the future.

Is it true that the real reason you started the "Bad Example Family" is to really try to take over the internet by slowly using up what is left of the available site addresses?

I wouldn't say "slowly".

If you had the opportunity to spend 6 hours with any one member of the Green Bay Packer organization, who would it be and what would you do?

6 hours? That'd be 2 games on the sidelines with coach Mike Sherman. I wanna find out what he ACTUALLY says during a game. I mean, I'm curious... what else IS there to say besides "tackle that guy", "don't drop the ball", and "take Randy Moss out at the knees"?

IS it true the family services tried to take away some of your blog children due to neglect and/or abuse?

Yes. It's also true that there are a number of shallow graves in my back yard, and it's not my kids that are filling them.

So how long have you had that subscription to Cosmo?

Actually, I cancelled that in favor of the MUCH better Redbook. From pawing through old copies at work, I discovered that they occasionally publish sex tips that I wasn't aware of. VERY impressive.

What's your favorite adult magazine and why?

Hustler, because the humor is completely tasteless, and the models show more... personality.

If you could pick any superhero to be president, who would it be?

Batman, because he has an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. The Rumsfeld Strangler could be his VP.

Have you considered getting the ole "snip snip" after contributing to the conception to all these damn kids??

No. When it comes to breeding blogkids, I'm practically Catholic.

How have you been able to help conceive all these people? Viagra? Levitra?

Enzyte. I smile just like Bob, because I'm a BIG blogger :-D

What is your favorite sex toy?

Cathy's Cuffs - lightweight, portable, washable, and - the way the velcro is set up - nearly escape-proof. Plus they're all cloth, so they won't set off the airport metal detector AND when they're stuffed in a ziploc bag, they don't actually look kinky when viewed on the x-ray machine monitor.

What kind of name is Harvey? Were you named after a drink?

"Harvey" was actually a fairly popular name back in the 60's. I may have been named after Harvey Korman - I'm not sure. Also, being the last of seven boys, all the good names were taken.

What do you think is the least appreciated historical event?

The passage of the 21st Amendment repealing Prohibition. Proof that - in America - ANY stupid law can be repealed. Now if only we could repeal the 16th...

How often do you ride your dog? Is it thereauputic? For who?

I saddle up horse-dog Jake daily. Watch for me in the 2008 Olympic Canine-Equestrian event.

What article of clothing do you like most on a woman?

Ummm... is my tongue an article of clothing?

What was your biggest historical moment?

Operation Praying Mantis. I was on board the Enterprise at the time.

Favorite president of the US?

Ronald Reagan - After the inflation, malaise, and self-flaggelation of the Carter administration, Reagan's unapologetic pro-Americanism breathed new life into a tired country.

Time and place (other than wherever TNT is currently) that you'd most like to settle down.

Looking at the no-shoveling, it's-a-dry-heat, desert-southwest in the next year or two. Preferably somewhere without state income taxes. Still investigating possibilities.

Short hair or long?

On dogs, cats, and women's heads - long.
On MY head - short.
On any place I lick - bald.

Favorite cheese?

Kraft Fat-Free Sharp Cheddar Singles slices. Tastes like real cheese, melts like real cheese. Plus you get to save the extra calories for eating more dessert.

Do you have any tattoos?

No tattoos. Mostly because I could never think of anything that I wanted on my body that wouldn't look dumb when I was old. However, if I *had* to get one, I'd probably get an American flag. That's fairly timeless. Probably on my shoulder, like a soldier's arm-patch.

If you could trade places with anyone alive, who would it be and would you change their wardrobe?

I'd switch with Elton John and make him get contacts. I'd keep the furs & sequins, though. They make me feel pretty.

Who's your daddy?


Unless you're talking about my BLOGdaddy, which I don't really have. However, Coyote at the Dog Show once took one of my comments and made a post about it - one of the main bits of encouragement that led to me deciding to get my own blog.

What are the best and worst things you took out of your Navy experience?

Best - Making it through boot camp. I was physically out of shape and had very little self-discipline when I arrived at RTC Great Lakes. I was a completely different person 8 weeks later, and quite proud of what I'd accomplished.

Worst - Wog Day.

Where do you plan to be in ten years?

Inside my wife.

Does Frank look more sober in a ninja stance?

Sadly, I have no idea. As everyone else was filing into the front room of Tammi's house for the Bad Example Family Portrait, I had turned around to go into Tammi's living room to get the camera, so when Frank asked his infamous question, I was looking in the wrong direction and never saw him in a ninja stance at all. The general consensus, however, was "no".

Posted by Jennifer at March 23, 2005 05:59 AM