Half Stories and Full Truths

Occasionally I choose to be vague. There are things we can say that will get us in trouble. So my beloved readers get half a story. Perhaps I should tell the whole story, and change details, but I don't think I'm good at that. Besides, the person the original post is directed towards already knows the rest of the story.

But I shall clarify in hopes no one will remain under the impression I do not make enough efforts in the relationship department...

Let's say there is a guy who you are in a quasi-romantic relationship with. And let's say from the beginning of said relationship, things were very intense. And let's say this guy tells you how he's sick of being single and wants to settle down and have children and all that jazz. And let's say he gives you every indication that you are the (only) love of his life.

Now let's say he has and has always had a girlfriend. Now let's say you agree to remain friends. Now let's say that was a mistake, because he keeps reeling you back into romantic attachment with empty promises. Now let's say you decide to break off contact for awhile. Now let's say every time you attempt to talk to him in an effort to keep his (valued) friendship, he maneuvers it into sexual territory. Now let's say this behavior doesn't end and you finally come to terms with having to end it altogether.

Now we're going to say that it ends. But then another of his paramours surfaces, and has gotten ahold of your e-mail address. And she sends you taunting e-mails, laughing at how you actually loved him, but that she has his affections now. And she knows personal information about you that only he knew. Things he was told in confidence. Because you believed he was worthy of trust, before the lies came to light.

Now tell me, do you fight this woman for this man?

I do not. She can keep his affections, such as they are, because I willingly and happily gave them up on my own before I ever even knew she existed. Revel in your victory, sister, and keep him. Keep him and his neuroses and his addictions and his lies. They're all yours. All the gifts in the world won't make up for the pain and the deceit. They're bright and shiny and make you feel warm inside because you think they're sent with love, but they're not. They're the price, princess. And you will realize someday. Maybe soon, maybe years from now...you will realize that you're paying more than he is. And you'll still love him. You'll still keep a place in your heart just for him. You'll remember the good times, when it was so perfect your heart could burst. But you'll know you can't keep paying the price. The fighting will take too much out of you. And if you're strong enough, you'll finally stop trying to save him. If you're strong enough, you'll save yourself.

I did.

Posted by Jennifer at May 30, 2005 07:05 AM