Insomnia

It's amazing how you get used to people...to their voices...and how they become part of your routine.

Then the routine is disrupted and you're left feeling out of sorts, almost as if you're lost. If you're me, you might wake up at 1:30 in the morning wondering what is missing. Oh yeah, I didn't hear his voice tonight.

So you roll over, feeling kinda sad. And feeling kinda silly about feeling sad. Then you try to get back to sleep.

Sometimes you actually lose someone.

On March 14 this year, I lost my grandma. I was in New Mexico when I found out. I was driving to Arizona, trying to see her before she died.

My sister and I were in the car together, and after getting the call we turned around and started driving back towards Albuquerque. After a few minutes we saw a sign for a Dairy Queen. My sister suggested we stop.

We spent probably an hour browsing the gift shop-type store attached to Dairy Queen. We took our time getting back to Iowa.

The next weekend we drove up to Wisconsin for the funeral.

After that, it was back to routine. Routine is good. It's therapeutic.

Then it was summertime, and I went up to the cabin. Grandma's summer house. I avoided going in the cabin, but I did spend some time alone at the cemetery. I did what I had always done...I talked to Grandma. When she was alive, I always spent time talking with her. I would listen to her stories, listen to her history. My history.

I hadn't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with my grandma since I was little. So I didn't expect to miss her so much when the holidays rolled around. But then my aunt sent me an e-mail yesterday and I realized something.

I won't hear Grandma's voice on the phone tomorrow. Or Christmas Day. Like I used to.

But I will remember her. And I'll give some extra thanks for the loved ones in my life. She'd like that.

Posted by Jennifer at November 26, 2003 11:30 PM