*You Asked, Guinness Answered!

One day early with this one (or a day late, depending on who you ask)!

Guinness from AllGuinness.com (where else?) answers your timeless questions about women, boxers, and killing spiders with your bare hand.

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1. Is Guinness your real name?
Yes.
Really?
No, not really. I mean, what kind of dumb name is that? I remember
some football player named Tanqueray once, and that is silly enough,
but Guinness? Come on. Actually, yes it is my real name.

2. What made you start blogging? Was it the sunshine on your shoulder?
Helen's sex talk provided inspiration for something, it was not the reason I started blogging. I was actually started before that. I've had the AllGuinness.com domain for some time now, but really hadn't done anything with it. There were some things on it, but most of it was pretty simplistic. I was reading a blog by a friend of mine called Golublog, and he suggested Sedalina's I bounced around reading these and a few others, and finally decided to jump into it. I did everything by hand at first, and was really enjoying the design aspect of it. While I am certainly no design expert, I do like to do it, and this was one of my early goals. Before long though, I realized that I liked the idea of blogging as a community, and I was getting a kick out of my goofy posts. I decided to bail on my bare bones approach, and get Moveable Type. Since then I have increased the frequency of posts greatly, and I still feel free to throw a little design stuff in when I want to. It's the best of both worlds.

3. Exactly how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
Let's find out. One. Tuhoo. Three. CRCKKCH. Three.

4. What DON'T you drink?
I reckon you mean besides battery acid and gasoline, right? Southern Comfort is awful. If you drink it, stop. How about this, next time you are preparing for a sip, just think, "fruitcake." It is foul. I also generally dislike things like rum and coke or jack and coke, though I'll drink them if they are free. I love Coca-Cola, but I don't want it in my booze. Try and stay away from things to sweeten booze unless you are really willing to commit and get a Zombie or Rum Runner or something. Be prepared for the after effects though. Fernet tastes just like dirt, but sometimes I drink it anyway on a lark. Pepsi (it's
the work of the devil. A cheap, second-rate, knockoff).

5. Boxers or briefs?
Boxers. I used to think it a good idea to go commando, but thankfully saw the error of my ways a while back. The rest of the world appreciates this I'm sure.

6. Can I get the key tonight, Buddy Boy?
I'm really sorry sir, but it's out of the question tonight. I hardly got any sleep last night, and now I have this fever, and I just need to get home and get some rest.

7. Ever considered becoming one of the nekkid bloggers?
Official like? I have actually thought about it, but mostly in terms of how absurd it would be. Who wants to hear about, or worse see something like that. Frightening. Unofficially, I am already a member. Hell, I'm not wearing any pants now, and I'm at work.

8. What the hell *is* pimpgnosis, anyway? Is it communicable?
Pimpgnosis mania is running wild! Pimpgnosis is the habits and
practices of pimpin'. This is not to say that to practice pimpgnosis
you must sell women's bodies, it's really more of an attitude thing.
Really though, it is like people who wear a shirt that says "Slut" or
some such madness. Pimpgnosis is on the border of a joke and an actual
way of thinking. It is also related to the latest urban poetry craze,
Haikugnosis.

9. If you were an animal, which one would you choose to be and why?
Golly, I don't know. Monkey I guess. They get to be all agile and
swing around all quick-like. That seems cool. Plus I wouldn't want
give up the thumbs. I love to be able to pick up stuff.

10. Blonde, brunette or redhead?
Oddly enough I have never really had a particular type. I love all
the womens. I tend to evaluate as a whole, but if I am to pick only
one, I guess I would go with brunette. Juice, it's me, your beautiful
blond wife, Larry.

11. If you had to change lives with someone, who would it be (living or
dead)?
I haven't the foggiest. How about Caesar, Julius? He lived a pretty
good life, except, you know, for the murder part. Still kicking ass,
then being ruler of the greatest empire on earth wouldn't be too bad.
How about Methuselah? I like the idea of living for a really long
time. I never feel like I have as much time as I ought. Really
though, it seems an impossible task to pick just one. Out of all the
people ever? Jesse Owens? Imagine running that fast. That would
kinda rule.

12. If you went to Fantasy Island and your fantasy was to be in a
movie, which movie would that be and which character would you play
(one already existing)?
Another tough one. If I could only pick one, I guess I would choose
to replace Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade in "The Maltese Falcon". I
want to be the kind of guy who feels comfortable saying things like,
"when you're slapped you'll take it and like it." Other choices would
be Cary Grant as C.K. Dexter Haven in "The Philadelphia Story", "I
think I once secretly wanted to be a writer", and Jeff Goldblum in "The
Tall Guy", but that's just for the sex scene with Emma Thompson.

13. Brains or personality?
This implies, I assume, a situation where one voids the other.
Brains, I guess. I don't know for sure. Lets say instead that I have
ten points to distribute on the scale. I suppose I'd go about seven on
the brains side and three on the personality. At the end of the day,
even the life of the party becomes dull when she has nothing to add.

14. Surprised or notified?
Notified. Always. I don't like surprises really. Especially
surprise parties. I don't even like to attend other people's surprise
parties. I show up late or go in the other room when the surprise is
about to happen. Little surprises are OK though. Like, "surprise! I
got some ice cream!" That would be OK.

15. If you could never go to Disneyworld again on vacation what >would
be your new favorite vacation spot?
Disneyland? I guess that isn't fair. I'm pretty easy to please. On
vacation I like to live a life of luxury, or at least convenience. I
like good restaurants, and good hotel service. I'm not much of a
traveller, and would never consider some adventure travel, unless there
were a Hotel at the end. I will commit to an answer and say Hilton
Head Island, even though I have never been there. Just sounds like I
could get what I wanted there.

16. If you killed a spider in your house would you use your bare hand?
Never. I require separation from any spiders I must kill. Touching
them with my hand pretty much negates the whole purpose of killing
them. I fear them, and know that, even now, they are plotting against
me.

17. You said women should wear hats more often, what else do you feel
women don't really pay attention to?
I hate to say it, but high heels. I understand that they must be just
terrible to wear, and increase the risk of serious ankle, knee, and
lower back injury, not to mention the toe smashing, but the make legs
look so good, it may be worth it occasionally. I know that it isn't as
though nobody wears high heels,it is just something I like. Not that I
blame any woman for not wearing them. I'm sure, were I a woman, that I
would never wear them. I would be one weird looking woman.

18. Boobs, butt or eyes?
Again, not to much on a specific type, and this is especially true for
boobs. I like them and all, but just being there is pretty good for
me. Don't so much care about them specifically unless they are way out
of proportion with the rest of the body. That's too odd. I'd say butt
at first, I guess. Eventually though the eyes become the most
important feature. I'm not sure when that transition takes place for
me, and it can shift back with certain items of clothing.

19. Other than jalapeno ice cream what is another unique creation?
Habanero, actually, but I won't quibble. For Thanksgiving this year I
had some really outstanding cranberry salsa. There were some peppers
for a little heat, some fruit for a little sweet, and the cranberries
added some tart. Came out really well, and went well with turkey.

20. If you were to own a bar, what would you call it?
How about "It Happens". How about a Tiki bar called the "Lean-2".
"Quagmire's". "The Pit Stop" would be a sports bar in Indy, and if
there isn't already one, the people there should be ashamed.

21. Who is your favorite writer (either professional or on the web)?
I can barely read. I fear this question can only expose my ignorance.
I read about three books a year. I guess My favorite living writer,
of books and such, would be Umberto Eco. I got his newest one a while
back, but still haven't read it. Really liked "The Name of the Rose"
and "Foucault's Pendulum" though. As far as columnist and the like, I
really don't know. I read a column by Chris Erskine in the L.A. Times
regularly. Great writing? Probably not, but it is pleasant to read.
For the best of the web, I refer to my blogroll. These are the people
I read every day. They are my favorites. Admittedly I need to expand
what I read, but there is still time before I die. I may not know art,
but I know what he likes.

Thanks for all of these swell questions. I had a ball answering them.
I'm just glad that people got enough in to disguise the fact that I
only have three readers of my site. That could have been embarrassing.
Don't forget to tip the wait staff.

Posted by Daniel at January 15, 2004 07:04 AM

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