May 15, 2005
Forfeiting vs. Losing=Same Result, But With Cleaner Uniforms
One thing I have always refused to do, is to compete with other women for the attentions of men. I always figured if he was worth fighting for, I wouldn't have to fight for him.
One boyfriend cheated on me, and I let him go. Done, over. I agreed to stay friends with him, and we were friends until he met all my friends from college and hit on all of them. Then slept with one. Too bad his roommate was a guy friend of mine who was very protective of me. The ex-bf was soon homeless. He had quit his job before the incident, and was therefore jobless and homeless. And apparently friendless, because he called ME, sobbing about how his life sucked. I listened with as much sympathy as I could muster, but really, I had to get back to work. At his old job, btw. But I digress.
Anyway, I've never understood the competitiveness and cattiness that seems to overcome some women when a guy walks within 20 feet of you. Maybe my refusal to compete is why I'm still single at age 30, but if you want him and he wants you, you can have him and I won't lose any sleep over it. I have faith that some day there'll be the guy who only wants me. Perhaps that little theory will seem misguided when I'm 40 and still single, but in the meantime I'm sleeping just fine.
Posted by Jennifer at May 15, 2005 01:09 PMI was the same way when I was single. I didn't fight over men. If he preferred to be with someone else, fine. That's not to say that when I met my spouse for the first time, that I didn't make sure over the next few months that he didn't forget me... but, if there had been other women carrying on over him, I would have stepped away.
I didn't fight for men. Either they like you... or they don't. Period. And I had a boyfriend cheat on me. I walked and never looked back.
Posted by: Boudicca at May 15, 2005 04:33 PMSleeping well...alone, but well.
Posted by: Kin at May 16, 2005 07:43 AMHeh. Passed the big 4-0 not long ago and am still wondering where my maiden in shining amour is.
Oh, btw, never cheated. Never been cheated on. (Yes, I'm sure.) Thank gawd I don't know that pain.. (though I've experienced it vicariously through several friends.)
Um... Weren't we engaged at some point...?
Oh, right. The distance thing. Yeah, it still seems kinda creepy to be dating a stranger. We'll never change, I guess.
Against my better judgement I'm clicking Post.
But, wait. I have a question. File this under Ask Jen:
Why do think it is that you haven't found true love yet? Answer honestly. If you do then I will, too. But you first!
Posted by: "Harvey" at May 16, 2005 10:33 PMOoops! That last post was me. The "Harvey" thing was a joke from my last Susie comment...
Posted by: Tuning Spork at May 16, 2005 10:36 PMI dunno. Id love it if a woman fought for me, even if it were a 1-woman fight - probably especially. I dont think complacency can make a relationship work. I think you should (both men and women) every day impress your partner and make sacrifices for them.
If you don't they won't feel like the most special person in the world and they will always eventually try to find someone who will make them feel that way.
If you do (and they do) then you will still be wondrously happy at 90 after 60 yrs together.
While I agree with you up to a point I do believe that there comes a time when you need to fight for your beliefs. Sometimes the attitude that you are espousing can be mistaken for indifference.
Posted by: Pete at May 17, 2005 08:58 AM
Jew