*Election Weekend

Finally, after approximately 4 years of campaigning, we're hitting the homestretch.

And in celebration of this, I am making you a promise: all posts this weekend will be dedicated to the impending freakshow.

Halloween, that is. I'm sick of everything else and plan to ignore it until Monday.

Anything posted before 12:01 a.m. November 1st will be Halloween-related.

If you are making the same promise on your blog, please let me know...I'll even throw together some Halloween links every day. Recipes, pictures of your cat in costume, whatever.

*Quote of the Day

"I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin, you never know if someone's tape-recording what you say."

-Richard Nixon

*No Strangers to Suffering

From a long-suffering Cubs fan to the no-longer-suffering BoSox fans...CONGRATS!

*PB and (Mary) J(ane)

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks that Skippy elephant commercial is for stoners:

Skippy is targeting stoners. I think this is by far the most plausible explanation. My friend (who may or may not have been stoned himself--I make no assumptions) says he saw this ad at around 2 a.m. on the Cartoon Network. And I found a chat-board post about the ad from someone who says he saw it at 3:30 a.m. during a Conan rerun. First of all, why show the ad at these hours if the target is children? Second, I ask you this: What do high people love? Late-night television. What else do they love? Snacks. And? Freaky animation with talking animals, like Fritz the Cat and stuff. Finally, where does dancehall come from? Jamaica! See what I mean? If Skippy signs Harold and Kumar, we'll know for certain.

I feel validated somehow.

*Quote for Wednesday

On the campaign trail...

"I've read about foreign policy and studied--I know the number of continents."

-George Wallace, presidential candidate

*Fun Reading

One book I'd recommend to presidential history buffs is Barbara Holland's Hail to the Chiefs: Presidential mischief, morals, & malarkey from George W. to George W....it's a humorous book profiling each president in a chatty tone that I enjoy. If you're looking for hardcore history, it's not the book for you, but if you like a little spice, it's a fun read.

Dave Barry calls it "Wonderfully funny." It says so right on the cover, and I don't know what better endorsement you could hope to get. I personally laughed out loud while reading.

Here's an excerpt from the Jimmy Carter chapter:

It's hard to explain to foreigners and small children just why Jimmy Carter was such a joke. You had to be there. He wasn't a funny joke, like Gerry Ford, more an embarrassing joke....(Here is) a broad spectrum of reasons:

a. Peanut farming. This is not a manly occupation, like raising cattle. Never mind that you graduated with distinction from the Naval Academy; when your father dies and leaves a peanut farm for you to manage, you should just say no. Peanuts are silly.

...
d. Being governor of Georgia. Georgia is not a real place, like Massachusetts or Illinois. Georgia is funny, except for downtown Atlanta, and gives you an accent.

e. He talked funny. See above.

f. He was serious about Nature. Not in a manly way, like Teddy Roosevelt, to go do manly things in, but just to have it lying around.

g. The rabbit. Even he thought the rabbit was funny, and actually went around telling people how his rowboat had been pursued by a vicious seagoing rabbit, when any sensible pol would have murdered the witnesses and sunk their bodies in the river. Voters found the rabbit a worse joke even than the peanuts. Go out and vote, and what do you get? A President who gets publicly pushed around by rabbits.

...
k. His honesty....Presidents are supposed to be simple, straightforward, hometown folks, but a President who really is simple, straightforward, hometown folks is a national humiliation and a dork.

Holland mixes humor with history and shows us the funny side of each presidency...something I find soothingly therapeutic right now.

*Quote for Election Time

I think this one works for any campaigning politician, but I'm cynical like that:

"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."

-George Stephanopolous, when working for Clinton

*Water Hazards

You can survive your car going into water.

Assuming there isn't a bad current and you can swim, you should be able to live if you get out of your vehicle. To get out of your vehicle, you should carry a hammer in your vehicle. Electric windows probably won't work once your vehicle hits water, and you'll need to get the window open somehow.

This concludes Jen's PSA of the day.

*Quote for a Monday

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

-H.L. Mencken

*Other Than the Cubs Losing...'snot So Bad

I don't know much, but I knows I hates me some Roger Clemens. Yay, Cards.

Hard to pick who to root for in the Series...want to see a "cursed" team win, but also would like to see the NL team win.

Decisions, decisions.

(MuNu was down today, which makes it hard to post. Might post tomorrow if the winds are favorable.)

*Yankees Game

I have just one word to say about the Yankees/Red Sox game, and that word is:
HA!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

*Buck O'Five

Team America. Was. Hilarious.

I laughed so hard I thought I was going to stroke out.

(But to the father who brought his two kids, approximately 5 & 8 years old--you're an idiot.)

I hope they show the deleted sex scene footage on the DVD. Hard to believe they left something out.

Quote for a Tuesday

"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure."

-Abraham Lincoln

Seeing History

As long as you asked...yes, I do like to fancy that I know a little bit about history.

Do you know about Neville Chamberlain?

Neville Chamberlain was the British Prime Minister before our friend Winston Churchill...and Chamberlain is the one most associated by many as Hitler's appeaser. Of course, Great Britain was in no shape to go to war with anybody at the time. WWI had left its mark, and the Depression didn't help matters. Besides simply allowing Hitler to reoccupy the Rhineland, reunite with Austria, and annex the Sudetenland, Great Britain entered into trade agreements with Eastern European countries. These agreements allowed the countries into the British market if they would restrict trade with the Germans. So while there was appeasement, there was also an attempt right from the beginning to contain Germany. These measures, though unsuccessful, were occurring while Great Britain frantically rearmed itself.

Do you know how the Nazis came to power?

Well, let's see. That's a pretty broad topic. Let's just start with the exile of Kaiser Wilhelm II. Germans weren't familiar with democracy. They lived under a monarchy with actual power, rather than a constitutional monarchy where the royal family only shows up to have their picture taken at important events. Kaiser Wilhelm II was important to Germans and their national identity. His exile created a vacuum. The Weimar era after WWI didn't fill that vacuum. Democracy was introduced to a country with no history of democracy. Americans in particular tend to take for granted that there will be support for democracy anywhere it is introduced, but that's just not true. When Hitler billed himself as a new version of Kaiser Wilhelm II, he was able to garner support from nationalistic Germans.

Of course, democracy meant there were political parties in play. The left was deeply divided between the Social Democrats and the Communists. Many of these people had suffered during the Depression and had little money. The right, on the other hand, was made up of big businesses with plenty of cash. The industrialists, tired of labor unions, wanted a return to a strong authoritarian nationalist rule that would bring labor down. Once the Nazis gained support from big business, they had plenty of money at their disposal. The fractured left wing couldn't keep the Nazis from rising to power. It's also interesting to note that the Social Democrats were more than happy to turn the Communists in to the Nazi leaders as the Nazis began taking over. Once the Communists were destroyed, the Nazis focused on the Social Democrats. The left was gone.

Quickly the Nazis suppressed civil liberties. Freedom of speech and the press were eradicated. Police could read private letters and search or seize whatever they wanted, and arrest whomever they wished. All the rights that had been ushered in after WWI were ushered right back out as Hitler worked towards silencing anyone who could challenge his supremacy--Jews, the Catholic Church, the Lutheran leadership, labor unions, intellectuals, etc.

Do you know how they were able to kill tens of millions of people before being stopped?

As I mentioned, Hitler ruthlessly suppressed dissent. The "Night of the Long Knives" illustrates his style vividly. Disloyal SA officers were killed, as well as all of his previous political opponents. Despite the heavy-handed tactics, Hitler was popular with German nationalists. He said he'd get rid of the left and he did. He reoccupied the Rhineland, reunited Austria with Germany, and annexed the Sudetenland. His rearmament provided jobs for Germans. When he was victorious against Poland, his popularity soared. Germans, dispirited after the Treaty of Versailles, were proud once more.

Do you know how they were stopped?

Let's dig slightly deeper than "Our grandfathers went to Europe and kicked his ass!"...a big reason Hitler was stopped was because he stopped himself. Not on purpose, mind you, but because his priorities were a little skewed. Conquering territory is all well and good, but it does create problems with resources. You need them. You need men and food and transportation and a million other things. Hitler's resources were spread thin, and they should have been concentrated on the front lines. Instead, resources were diverted away from the war effort. Where were they diverted to? The concentration camps. Officers and trains and supplies were pulled off the front lines to assist in the killing of Jews. Killing Jews was a higher priority than protecting Germany.

History is a funny thing. You'd think it would be pretty straightforward: this happened on this date, followed by this other thing that this guy did at a later date. But for something so many high school students see as static, history is actually quite fluid. People can see it in different ways. They can read what I've written and apply it to different situations. The "Bush is Hitler" camp can pull out the suppression of civil liberties part and apply it to the Patriot Act. People horrified by Iraq's mass graves can see similarities to Germany's concentration camps. The pro-war group can look at Neville Chamberlain and see Hans Blix. There are many different interpretations of history, and often what you see depends on what you want to see.

Quote for a Monday

"I realized I could have written two songs and made myself some money in that time."

-Irving Berlin, after two days of piano lessons

The List

Harvey shares the five fantasy women he'd get to know...intimately...if given the chance. I'm not married, but I want to play, too, so here's my list:

1. Ray Liotta
2. Mike Piazza (sans any weird dye jobs)
3. Troy Aikman
4. Bret Hart
5. Richie Sambora

Quote of the Day

"You've got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one."

-Will Rogers

Quote of the Day

"I am not young enough to know everything."

-Oscar Wilde

See Your Smallpox and Raise You Syphilis

As many schoolchildren learn these days, Christopher Columbus and his sailors brought disease to the native people of the New World. What is less well known is that the native people of the New World probably returned the favor somewhat.

Shortly after Columbus and his crew returned to Europe, there was an outbreak of syphilis. An unusually bad strain of the disease spread swiftly, and within one year the outbreak hit France.

To help the disease spread throughout Europe, King Charles VIII of France conveniently marched an army of over 30,000 men to Naples. Prostitutes accompanied the men, and by the end of the two-year campaign the soldiers "violently drove out their harlots" from the camps. The soldiers blamed the women for spreading the disease amongst them.

After King Charles's army disbanded, soldiers recruited from Britain, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Poland, Spain, and Switzerland returned to their homes and took syphilis with them. Charles himself supposedly carried the disease.

Of course, the clergy were more than happy to take the syphilis outbreak as a sign that God was displeased with Europe's rampant debauchery. Syphilis altered attitudes about sex, and suddenly extramarital affairs and prostitution were no longer tolerated. The Reformation came along and ushered in a puritanical outlook towards sex.

Many historically significant Europeans of the day allegedly suffered syphilis's effects, from Christopher Columbus to England's Henry VIII* to Popes Alexander Borgia and Julius II. Luckily, the particularly bad strain of the disease would become less dangerous to future generations.

*One may want to note that syphilis is likely to blame for Henry VIII's famous difficulty in producing heirs.

Quote of the Day

"The people I'm getting furious with are the women's liberationists. They keep getting on their soapboxes proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket."

-Anita Loos

Presidential Fun Fact of the Day Week

In the year before John Wilkes Booth shot and killed President Lincoln, his older brother was standing on a train platform in New Jersey. Edwin Booth was a famous actor of the time, and well recognized.

While the train was stopped, it unexpectedly rolled forward again while the waiting passengers stood against it. One young man lost his balance and was falling off the platform when Edwin Booth grabbed him and pulled him to safety. The young man was grateful to the actor for saving his life.

The young man was Robert Todd Lincoln, the President's son.

Robert provided the following account:

"The incident occurred while a group of passengers were late at night purchasing their sleeping car places from the conductor who stood on the station platform at the entrance of the car. The platform was about the height of the car floor, and there was of course a narrow space between the platform and the car body. There was some crowding, and I happened to be pressed by it against the car body while waiting my turn. In this situation the train began to move, and by the motion I was twisted off my feet, and had dropped somewhat, with feet downward, into the open space, and was personally helpless, when my coat collar was vigorously seized and I was quickly pulled up and out to a secure footing on the platform. Upon turning to thank my rescuer I saw it was Edwin Booth, whose face was of course well known to me, and I expressed my gratitude to him, and in doing so, called him by name."

Quotes for a Tuesday

I thought these were appropriate for this election season...

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."

-George H.W. Bush

"If you cannot convince them, confuse them."

-Harry S. Truman

Braille Writing

Everybody knows some guy named Braille invented writing that could be read by the fingertips, right?

Well, kinda. Louis Braille actually improved upon the idea developed by Charles Barbier.

In the early 1800s, the French military captain wanted a way for the front line soldiers to read messages from the back when it was dark out. Normally, they'd have to get a light to read a message--exposing their position to the enemy. So Barbier came up with raising dots onto the surface of paper. He had twelve dots standing for various sounds.

Barbier decided to pass his new "night writing" onto the blind. One of the first to learn this new system was thirteen-year-old Louis Braille. Braille offered Barbier some ideas for making the system easier, but Barbier refused to make any changes based on the recommendations of a boy.

Braille, undeterred, contrived of a new system on his own. After two years, he had made this "night writing" into a simpler series of six dots standing for different letters of the alphabet. Today blind people read by using Braille rather than Barbier...but Louis Braille was always grateful to Barbier for the initial idea, and credited him for it.

I'll Give You a Topic...

Who was the worst neighbor on Halloween?

A. The dentist who handed out toothbrushes.
B. The young, childless couple who handed out raisins.
C. The old lady who handed out pennies.
D. The creepy guy who tried to scare all the kids.
E. Other. (Please explain.)

Dodo Birds

Sigh.

I love the movie Ice Age, but it'd be nice if people didn't think it was historically accurate.

Twice now I've been in conversations with people who used this cartoon to back up their stance on something. The first time was when someone said Stonehenge was in North America...although she wasn't sure exactly where. "Maybe Canada." When I asked why she thought that, she said that in the movie, the animals go past both Stonehenge and Yellowstone. Oookay. But Stonehenge is in England. "Then why would they have that in the movie?" Dunno. "Maybe they went over the land bridge in Alaska." Yeah, maybe. But I think that'd be an awful long way to walk.

Then today the subject of dodo birds came up, and someone said they were wiped out by the last ice age.

Sigh.

Dodo birds went extinct because humans killed them off in the 1600s.

"But they went extinct in that movie Ice Age." Yeah, and Wile E. Coyote always survived his falls to the canyon floor. What's your point? Besides, dodo birds lived on a remote island. "They did?" Yes, that's why people thought they were dumb...they hadn't known any predators or humans, so they were very trusting when humans came to their island. "Oh."

To learn more about dodoes, go here. As noted on the page, there are no dodo specimens around anymore. One European man stuffed his dodo when it died, but the bird's remains were not maintained very well. It made its way to the Ashmolean Museum at Oxford, but was thrown away in 1755. The curator saved only the head and a foot.

Around this time, the existence of the dodo was believed to be the same as the existence of the unicorn--pure fantasy. It wasn't until 1863, when George Clark found skeletal remains of dodoes, that their existence was accepted once more.

I'll Give You a Topic...

When enjoying Halloween candy, do you prefer:

A. Normal candy corn of the yellow, orange, and white variety.
B. Heathen candy corn of the chocolate variety.
C. Those little pumpkins that often come with candy corn.
D. Snickers, damnit! Gimme some fun size candy bars!
E. Other. (Please explain.)

*VP Stuff

Official JenLars reaction to the debate: Yay! Yankees Lost! Happy Day!

I didn't watch a single minute. Not even a second of it. I didn't vote for Al Gore in 1992 or 1996. I didn't vote against...hmm, it'd be Dan Quayle in 1992 and some other guy in 1996. Bob Dole's running mate...umm, hmm...Jack Kemp?

Anyway, the point is--unless the VP candidate is David Duke or some complete maroon, I don't care. I won't be voting for either John Edwards or Dick Cheney. I'll be voting for John Kerry or George W. Bush.

(P.S. Wouldn't it be fun if they still had the second-place presidential candidate win the VP spot? Whoo-boy!)

(P.P.S. Yankees lost! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!)

Quote for a Tuesday

"I would rather go out of politics feeling that I had done what was right than stay in with the approval of all men, knowing in my heart that I had acted as I ought not to."

-Theodore Roosevelt

Who's the Best Pilot You Ever Saw?

Goodbye, Gordon Cooper.

"Leroy Gordon Cooper, one of the nation's first astronauts who once set a space endurance record by traveling more than 3.3 million miles aboard Gemini 5 in 1965, died on Monday, NASA said. He was 77."

*Free Advice, Part 297

If you're going to make somebody laugh when they're holding a box of stuff, make sure it's not your stuff.

The scene: Jennifer and Sister in a self-storage unit. Sister has climbed over and around a lot of items, looking for a specific box. Jennifer is supervising.

Jennifer: How are you liking that lamp up your butt?

Sister: No kidding. I'm getting sodomized here.

Jennifer: Oh, please. We all know you're all about that ass-action.

Sister: (breaks into hysterics, drops box, yet does not deny she's into ass-play) Don't make me laugh! You made me drop it!

Jennifer: I can't help if I'm funny.

Laughter--it's like kryptonite!

Cliff's Notes Quotes

I came across this quote again while looking something up for my dad. It pissed me off months ago and it still pisses me off. So I'll just summarize it in my own words.

What he said...

"There is no salvation for those outside the Church...I believe it. Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly. She's like, Episcopalian, Church of England. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in that stuff. And it's just not fair if she doesn't make it, she's better than I am. But that is a pronouncement from the chair. I go with it."

-Mel Gibson

My interpretation...

My God cares more about how you worship than how you live.