*I need a fix cause I'm going down

So the blog is officially scuttled. Freedom tastes sweet, my friends. Writing something has no immediate home is a welcome feeling. I decided I should tell my wife that the blog was gone before she found out on her own and went nuts. She has the insane idea that I needed the outlet. That if I didn't have an outlet I might start planning bank heists or researching kinky sexual yoga techniques or something.

So last night as we sat down to victuals, I broke the news.

“I flushed my blog down the shitter,” I said.

“You did what?”

There was a lengthy discussion about how it sapped my lifeblood. I use that a lot. Many things sap my lifeblood. Crowds, talking on the phone, shaving, traffic lights—the list is endless. But it was the truth. The blog had begun to take a toll.

“I’d like to write books too, but that doesn’t mean I want to do the fucking typesetting or the binding work. Or even pull my own weight with regards to appearances and book signings. And I certainly don’t want to clean the shelves in the bookstore after hundreds of flyers advertising penile implants are thrown all over them each night. I’m lazy by nature. Disturbingly so, as you often point out.”

I continued my diatribe and waved my finger around, and once or twice I stabbed it into the air for the sake of drama. And when I felt I’d made my point I paused and took a bite from my slightly burned French bread pizza to wait for the rebuttal.

Unfortunately, it scorched the shit out of my mouth just like those goddamned pizza rolls did a few months ago and I jumped up and danced the jig and started hollering and whatnot, which took all the starch out of my speech. And when all was settled back to normal there a long uncomfortable silence.

“I have other things to do,” I said.

“For instance?”

“Hey, I went out while I was on top, baby. I didn’t stick around like…like…”

“Someone successful?”

I couldn’t really argue that point so I switched gears.

“It’s not like I retired, I’m a consultant now. A creative blog consultant. I’ll be the first one in the industry. Struggling blogs can come to me for creative direction. I’ll do guest spots. I’ll be the Dust Brothers of the blogosphere!”

“Or you could hang that shelf in the upstairs bathroom,” she said, “I'd better make up a list.”

*Ask Jen: The French Kiss Edition

Shank writes: "Now that France has a really awesome bridge, have they redeemed themselves from centuries of loserdom?"

Umm, no. Simply because I think most people don't know anything about the bridge. And by "people" I mean "Americans". Plus the French women are all skinny while eating chocolate and croissants and I'm bitter.

Shank also writes: "Sex - how much is too much?"

When it begins to interfere with your presidential duties.

*Ask Jen: Spelunking Edition

DFMoore writes: "What's the difference between a stalagtite and a stalagmite? Is there some really quick mnemonic to remember the difference?"

Stalagtites hang down. Stalagmites reach up. With all their might. Hope that helps.

DFMoore also writes: "Jen, Why do none of my Ask Jen questions ever get published or answered? All I get are smart aleck responses back via e-mail. Is there some reason for this? Is there something I'm doing wrong?"

The reason is I assume you ask me questions you already know the answer to, DMo.

*Inspiration Needed

Have any "Ask Jen" questions? Want to read quotes from anyone in particular?

Help. Or I'll have to post an "I quit" message. It's all the fashion today.

*Something to do with socks?

I get some odd e-mail. Is this German spam? Anyone care to translate?

Zu kaufen gesucht!

Wir kaufen gegen WIR oder mit hohem WIR-Anteil in der ganzen
Schweiz:

- Liegenschaften
- Wohnungen
- Bauland
- Altliegenschaften und Abbruchobjekte
- Ferienwohnungen
- Gewerbeeinheiten
- Ferienhäuser auch im Ausland!

It's Like Christmas and My Birthday

I have recently come into possession of lots of old Larson-side family pictures. Yay!

(All may be clicked to enlarge.)

My handsome Grandpa L., who joined the Navy in WWII:

My great-grandmother and great-grandfather:

Another of my great-grandmother, looking patriot and wearing a stylish hat:

My Grandma L. had her photo albums scanned and indexed before she died. Smart lady.

*No Pheasant For You!

Stupid uncooperative pheasant, not sitting out in the open long enough for me to grab my camera, turn it on, focus, and shoot.

Instead, you get deer:

(Click to enlarge if you wish)

*Raring To Go Interview

It's the Raring to Go Interview!

Tell us a little bit about your military background...were you active
military before becoming a teacher?

** I enlisted in the Army Reserves in 1990, transferred to the Texas Army National Guard in 1991. From 1997 to 2000 I was on Active Duty in Germany. I re-enlisted in Aug 2001 in the TX Guard. **

Which branch of the military do you belong to?

** I am in the Texas Army National Guard, 36th Infantry Division**

You're being sent to Afghanistan soon...what are you looking forward
to about the mission?

** I am looking forward to helping the Afghan people to build up their country and to help establish peace to a country that has not know true peace since 1974. **

Do you have any trepidations about going there?

** Mostly just the long time that I will be away from my family **

How did your kids react to the news of your deployment?

** We had talked many times about the War on Terror and what might be required of me. Even though I have been in the service for many years, this is my first deployment away from them for so long. They are sad that I am gone, but proud of me, and eager to help their mommy. **

How did your other kids--your students--react?

** I teach three grade levels, and each reacted differently. The 8th graders knew that this was their only year with me, and so were not too sad that I was leaving. The 6th graders know that I will be back for their 8th grade year and are OK with me being gone. The 7th graders, were the most upset. They were looking forward to being in my class again next year, and are sad that I will not be their. All of them, though, are excited to know that their teacher is going to defend freedom, and all of them gave me specific instructions on what to say to Osama if my unit is the one to capture him. **

What subject(s) do you teach?

** 6th Grade is World Regions, 7th - Texas History, and 8th is US History to 1870. **

Besides your family and students, what will you miss most about
being away?

** Pizza! **

What "personal" items did you pack for your deployment?

** Books, my laptop, a coffee maker, my heating pad, religious items and an Economics textbook for a online class I am taking. **

Any music coming along to the desert?

** Over 900 songs on my laptop, mostly country but some rock and classical as well. **

How long will your training last before you go overseas?

** About 70 days or so **

Why did you start your blog?

** Mostly as a way to stay in touch with my students and family. **

Who are the other contributors listed on your blog?

** Ah, yes...my stealth partners...my wife is one, another soldier in my unit, and another family member of a deploying soldier **

Which other blogs do you read?

** Right now, I don't have much time to read any...but back when I was a civilian I read many, Glen Reynolds, Emperor Misha, IMAO, Bill Whittle, American Soldier just to name a few. **

Do any other bloggers influence your own writing?

** The other Mil-Bloggers gave me the inspiration to start my own site.**

It's obvious from reading your site how much your wife means to
you. How did you meet?

** We met at the end of my sophomore year of college. I was blowing off steam after finals with some friends by shooting pool. They had to leave to study for finals the next day, but since I did not have any I decided to stay out. Alone, but wanting to play air hockey, I went over to the table and noticed a group of girls nearby playing pinball. I asked if any of them wanted to play air hockey. One did and proceeded to beat me three straight games. I challenged her to a game of cards, and we went to an open study area and played cards until about 2 AM...then we went for a long walk around campus and talked all night long. 14 month later we were married and have been for almost 12 years. We have had our ups and downs...but I can assure you that she is the One that completes me...**

Emperor of Elba

On this day in 1814, Napoleon abdicated his throne but kept his title. He wouldn't show up to rule Elba until May 4.

Uncaptioned

Have at it...

*Happy, Happy Day

I've been helping a larger company emerge from the dark ages and embrace computerized record-keeping. The actual switch of daily business from paper to computer was very recent. Verrrrry recent.

So basically, for the last few days, there has been a lot of stress in Jen's world.

But when I need a little pick-me-up, I just load up a particular picture and go to my happy place.

Heh.

*Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet

I'm part Native American (Blackfoot, naturally), so every now and then I must heed the call of my ancestors and set out on the hunt for buffalo.

When we got to the hunting grounds, imagine my dismay to discover the pale-faced devil had desecrated the land. The smoke from his fire still lingers...

We knew the mighty buffalo would not stay in such inhospitable land, so we followed his food supply. We knew where we found his prey, we would find him. Or his droppings...

The hunt continued, with no sign of the great buffalo. We began to fear the wily buffalo would elude us this day. But lo, there was joy as we neared the end of our journey...

Behold! The fearsome and majestic buffalo!

*Death Valley Pics

Some of you may recall the conversation I had with my sis about Death Valley.

Some of you may be interested in seeing pretty pictures, which can be enlarged if you click on them: